3 months ago, you completely abandoned me.  I prepared myself for a life without you because God knows I’ll never hear from you again.  Little did I know that there you’d be in a 4 a.m. text message.   Am I supposed to just forget?  I don’t expect you to understand how hurt I was or how confused I still am, but I expect that you understand that apologies can’t just erode all the betrayal away. “Who is this?” I say.  “Someone who loves you”, you say.  Really?  Someone who loves me?  Please, don’t insult my intelligence.  Last time I checked, you don’t tell someone you love to fuck off repeatedly and move to another country  without saying goodbye. You proved to me that over a year of friendship meant NOTHING to you because you threw it away in 2 minutes.  It was I who held onto what we had for so long because our friendship meant EVERYTHING to me.  You owe me a lot more than sorries and pity.

…because I might end up homeless or in a coma and I’m not really beat for either one

I don’t know when it finally sunk in but it has.  2 months, not a word, different countries, hurtful things were said.  It’s all there, you’re gone and I don’t know what it is about me that isn’t missing you right now. You moved away and left my heart on the steps, bruised and broken, but I’m not confused anymore, I’m letting up on my anger, and I’m not compelled to cry.  Maybe I’m just forever numb.  If you cared, I wouldn’t be here so I guess I’m glad you don’t care. You once told me to forget about you and all our memories; well, I have, but for me.  I thought I’d never love again but I will.  There was life before you and I guess there will be after.  God works in mysterious ways I guess.  Sometimes I wonder what I did to make you so angry, but me knowing won’t change the fact that you’re angry so I guess knowing is just a luxury I’ll never have and I’m okay with it.  I have nothing to prove anymore.  This isn’t some petty little argument or big blowup, this is real life and an end to one of the greatest friendships I’ve known.  Friends come and go, I guess.

YOLO isn’t my excuse anymore because the truth is you DO only live once, and I’m not gonna fuck that up.  I’m too old for the bullshit, it’s forreal or it’s done.  Take it from me, that game shit gets old fast.  If you don’t take your heart seriously, no one else will.  It’s sad that it took me waking up and regretting shit to realize that this game is whack when what you really want is that one person to be the star in your life.

I can’t believe that my first year of college is almost over.  It’s been a wild ride, bruh, and to be honest, I’m over it.  Quite frankly, this whole roommate experience just proves how trifflin and fake bitches can be and I don’t fuck with disrespectful females.  It’s a shame because you think you have a friend and then they show their true colors, and it’s disgusting when bitches think just because they got bank, they won’t get what’s coming to them.  Karma’s a bitch, you label ass hoe.  In two weeks, I wish you and bitches like you the ultimate fuck you.  On the other hand, I do love my roommate/homey and at least I came out of this with her as a friend, because I think I would have gone INSANE! I love that girl <3

I don’t know exactly what I’m feeling because there are a mixture of things, but I know that relief isn’t one of those things so I wish that people would stop telling me that it’ll be better for me this way because if this was a good thing, I wouldn’t be crying a lot. I’ve barely made it this past month and a half because he just ripped out all of my insides and set them on fire and I don’t know how one recovers from such a traumatic heartbreak. I’ve been taking baby steps but the fact that he’s pretty much in another country means no closure, no resolution, no anything. It’s really hitting me that everything is over and you know what? That blows!